A couple of years ago, after seeing several coaches get tossed from rec and travel ball games, because of something they said (isn’t it always?), I asked a few umpire friends to share their most memorable and creative rebukes from coaches and fans. The responses were overwhelming and led to one of our most popular posts ever!
Check out our first article. “You’re Outta Here!” 16 Clever Comments That Got Coaches Tossed by the Umpire
I’m still getting entertaining messages about coach/fan vs umpire encounters. So here’s Volume 2. Enjoy!
1. “We better get a hammer and some nails because that plate’s moving around!”
2. “I am not out here to argue, Blue, but wanted to let you know my brother in law is an optometrist and I can get you an appointment if you need one.”
3. “It’s a darn good thing there aren’t three options!”
4. “Hey Blue, where’d that ball miss? Down?….THE MIDDLE?”
5. “I know you want be the best ump possible. Use this, (flipping the quarter onto home plate). You’ll get more calls right.”
6. Umpire: “One more word, coach and you’re outta here!”
Coach: “Oh come on, Blue. Don’t make your first good call all game be ejecting me.”
7. “Gosh Dang It, Blue! It’s Home Plate!… Not no salad plate!”
8. Had a coach making little comments all game. All of a sudden he yells. “You two need a snickers bar” to me and other umpire when a call didn’t go his way. turned and looked at him trying not to laugh and said. “Marsha Marsha Marsha, You’re GONE.” Funniest ejection I ever had.
9. ”Hey Blue, you are the second best umpire that works in this League.” Almost invariably, my response is….. “Well who is the 1st best?” He replies, “Everybody else is tied for 1st!” We had a good chuckle.
10. “You need to flip the plate over and read the directions!”
11. “If I had known we were golfing today, I’d have had the boys bring their clubs.”
12. “Hey Blue! You need some water? It’s really hot out here and I think you’re starting to hallucinate!”
13. “Blue, I need to start drinking so I can see what you’re seeing.”
14. “Good Lord! It’s a strike zone. Not a loading zone!”
15. “Which one of you two is the designated driver?”
16. “Dang It, Blue! You’d get a pitch-out wrong!”
According to a local veteran umpire, (we’ll call him Wayne. 🙂 the moms are often more aggressive than the coaches.
“I’ll never forget the day I called strike three on a batter and his mama got so mad, she stood up, picked up her lawn chair and hurled it over the fence at me! Almost hit me too! I told her she needed to leave the park immediately. She said ‘I ain’t goin’ nowhere!’ To which I replied, ‘either you leave or your team forfeits.’ The other parents got her out of there REAL quick….. I also had a mom throw an apple at me once.”
So, I guess umpires wear helmets, not only to protect from flying bats and balls, but also outdoor furniture, fruit and whatever else an angry mom could use as a weapon.
Keep this in mind when packing your ballpark bags this weekend. “Do I really need this bug spray? Well, if nothing else, I could throw it at someone in a fit of rage.” Okay, bad idea. Forget that.
Got a funny umpire story to share? We’d love to read it, so leave it in the comments.