Welcome to our latest edition of Ask Travel Ball Parents. Having kids who occasionally fill in on other teams, I can so relate to this dad’s question. In fact, my younger son just joined a new team. I imagine I’ll be revisiting this awkwardness pretty soon.
Dear Travel Ball Parents,
My daughter is a pitcher. On the weekends that her team isn’t playing, she will often “pick up” with other teams. I always enjoy watching her play. However I don’t know any of the other parents on the teams she picks up with. I always sit by myself and feel like there is a big “LOSER” sign flashing over my head. Can you guys give me some advice on how to make new friends at the ball field?
Thanks, Pick Up Player’s Dad
That happens to me a lot too, I just make sure to introduce myself and sit with the rest of the fans. I have always found a friendly face that made me feel welcome. —Cindy Costa, baseball mom, Turlock, CA
Take a puppy.—Alton Mercer, pro wrestler and softball dad, Madison, GA
It seems nothing gets easier as we get older. My 9 year old can make friends in any circumstance. Kids have no inhibitions – they will walk up to anyone. Within 10 minutes, they have a new BFF.
I’ve been in your shoes before, as the new parent on a team. It’s unsettling trying to determine where you fit into the pecking order. As an adult, we have to stop thinking that friendships just happen like they did when we were kids. In a circumstance like yours, even if you’re shy and reserved, you need to become forward and direct.
I’m team manager for my son’s travel baseball team. We took on a few new kids this season. With those newbies also comes a few new sets of parents. I could sense right away they felt awkward as they stood off to the side. I put myself out there, and introduced myself. I welcomed them to the team and asked their names. I took them around and introduced them to the other parents. Yes, all of the parents on my son’s team are close. But do you think we started out that way? We were all strangers not so long ago. We started out with the small talk.
In my eyes, there is always room to expand the friend pool! But in order to have it happen, sometimes you have to take the initiative! Good luck!—-Kari Hicks, baseball mom, Buffalo, NY
Sometimes a direct approach works the best. Introduce yourself to the other parents of the team and tell them who you are and your
daughter’s name. I’m not a shy person, so this would work for me. Ask one of the other parents if they have a roster of the girls so you can cheer for the other girls by name during the tournament. You already have a lot in common with these parents, so use that to get to know them. I know for volleyball tournaments, we are in pretty close quarters for 10-12 hours on a Saturday, even when we aren’t on the court. We even get to know the parents on opposing teams and compliment the skills of other players. Not all teams are friendly, but I would hope if your daughter is playing with them the other parents would welcome you.—Catherine Wrighter, volleyball coach and sports mom, Lexington, SC
Yes! Come out of your shell my good man! Seriously though, it can be very intimidating introducing yourself to a new team. On our travel teams we have a tendency to think it’s a “private club” and that can be rather uninviting for the pick up players or the new players.
Best way to do it is show up confident, walk over and introduce yourself and point out your daughter. Stick your hand out and do the following: ” Hi, I’m ________ and my daughter ________ is one of your pick up players today. Mind if I sit down? Maybe Y’all can keep me informed so I know the players’ names when I’m cheering….” <insert big smile>….Always works great for me…. If they don’t respond then clearly they are beneath you and you should never play for them again ;-)—Stephanie Boarman, baseball mom, Chesterfield, VA
Whenever we had a “pick-up” player, or even a new family join the team, I made a strong effort to search out the parents, introduce myself, and make sure they felt at home. I encouraged other team parents to do the same. It’s a shame that this isn’t happening on some of the teams you are joining, but frankly, not surprising.
Saying that, we had a similar experience when we joined a team for the 12U Cooperstown tournament. People weren’t rude, they just weren’t comfortable introducing themselves. When there was a Dad standing alone, I would sometimes approach him, ask him which kid was his, and just talk a little baseball. That worked the best for me. I also found that trying to engage a group of parents that clearly knew each other well was a bad move. If none of this works, sit back and enjoy your daughter’s pitching performance, and don’t sweat the small stuff.—Tony Midea, baseball coach, dad and author of Navigating Travel Baseball.
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Angela is also a freelance writer known to tackle the tougher topics…like why do cat food makers shape the morsels like fish or chicken? Do cats really care? Exactly how many of something is “more than you can shake a stick at?” And then there’s her ongoing paranoia that her house smells like animals and she's gone nose blind.
WordPress says that I’m supposed to tell you a few things about myself so that you’ll want to read more of my posts. Here goes.
My name is Angela Weight. I live in Midlothian, VA with my husband James, two sons, Andrew and Jack, dogs Katie and Ayla and cat, Callie. We’re new to the area…transplants from the Dublin, GA area, where I grew up. My husband has a job that pays the bills so I can sit around and obsess about cat food shapes and how my house smells. I also have this goal of seeing all 50 states by the time I’m 50. I’m 43 now and have been to 45 of them. If you have any friends or family in Vermont, Rhode Island, Oklahoma, North Dakota or Alaska who’d like us to come visit (and maybe pay for it) let me know.
My sons (ages 16 and 11) play a ridiculous amount of baseball. If I’m not at home or out buying scented wax warmer cubes, I’m probably at a baseball field somewhere in Suburbia. In fact, I have to leave now to take Jack to practice. I’ll write more later.
Oh, another thing you need to know. We’re SF Giants fans. Crazy, fanatical Giants fans. I grew up a Braves fan, but converted when I married James who grew up in the Bay Area. That’s important.
Great! Now Jack is late for practice.
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