Do you ever jot down hilarious/ridiculous things your kids say so you won’t forget them? I’ve been doing this for years. If anyone ever finds my phone and reads the notes app, they’ll think I’m insane. Here’s a random sampling.
JACK: “Mom, you’ve got so many knots in your hair, you must have a bunch of Boys Scouts living up there.”
ANDREW: “Nothing’s easier done than said, unless it’s a really long verb, I guess.”
JACK: “Someone should invent real trees designed to look like fake cell phone towers.”
JACK: What is “on behalf?” Shouldn’t it be “on bewhole?”
ANDREW: What does cousin twice removed mean? Makes them sound like a skin cancer. “I went to the dermatologist today to have my cousin removed again.” If you’ve gotta remove someone twice, you should just get a restraining order.
JACK: “Mom, what if God was a Little League coach? I bet it’d be intimidating to the other teams. ‘Great! We’re playing God’s team tonight. They go undefeated every year.'” Imagine if you had to be the umpire for that game. Talk about pressure!
And then there’s Crack Black.
A couple of friends and I were watching our sons’ baseball game the other day. One of them noticed that the seam on the back of the boys’ white pants was super dirty, like “black” dirty. But only the middle seam. It was weird. Cole’s mom dies laughing and says,
“Instead of eye black, it looks like they’re passing around a stick of Crack Black.” So, we spent the next 20 minutes making up ad slogans for Crack Black. The best I came up with was “Crack Black-for when the sun’s glare is too much for your moon.” Yeah, it still needs work.
Speaking of baseball, I recently saw something that floored me. Jack’s team was playing against a team that shall remain nameless.
Jack was at short stop and the opposition had runners on first and third. Suddenly the kid on first takes off to steal. Halfway there, he trips over his own feet, falls face first and just lies there in the fetal position in the baseline. Concerned about the injured kid, the coaches run out to check on him. Meanwhile the kid at third runs home and scores. The catcher then tries to get him out, but it’s too late. And the fetal position kid jumps up and trots to second, where Jack tagged him. But the run still counted. Probably because the umpires were only about 14 and had never been in that situation.
Did you follow all that? And the other team’s coach acted like his trick play was the most brilliant thing since Crack Black. You should NEVER want to win that badly that you fake an injured player. Did the coach do drills for that move at practice? “Okay, boys, let’s go over the ‘fall-on-your-face-move. And make it look real this time!”
So what about you? Have your kids said anything hilarious lately? Share it with us in the comments. And have you seen any jaw dropping Bush League plays? Definitely share those with us.